The new economic realities of the 19th century then cross-pollinated with the ideas that emerged from the Enlightenment about individual rights and the pursuit of happiness, and the result was a full-blown Age of Romanticism. The new ideal was not only to marry for love but that that love was to live on in bliss for all of the eternity. Romance is an easy sell. We all enjoy seeing the hero get the girl. We enjoy seeing the happy ending. And so the commercial forces that arose in the 20th century took it and ran with it. Nowhere do we hear that love can be unsexy drudgery. Or that love requires self-discipline and a certain amount of sustained effort over the course of years, decades, a lifetime.
What Kind of Love is Most Important to You?
The painful truth about love is that the real work of a relationship begins after the curtain closes and the credits roll. The real work of a relationship is all the boring, dreary, unsexy things that nobody else sees or appreciates. Like most things in the media, the portrayal of love in pop culture is limited to the highlight reel.
Most of us have been so inundated by these messages throughout our entire lives that we have come to mistake the excitement and drama of romance for the whole relationship itself. This is why throughout most of human history, marriage was arranged by the parents.
Because they were the ones with some objective perspective on whether their kid was marrying a fuckface or not. Ninth fact: With greater personal freedom comes a greater requirement for personal responsibility and understanding.
They love the idea of each other. And instead of ditching the fantasy and getting with the person in front of them, they spend all of their will and energy interpreting and conforming the person in front of them to fit the fantasy they keep spinning for themselves. A few centuries ago, people hated romantic love. They were afraid of it, skeptical of its power and weary of its ability to tilt everyone it touched into making bad choices.
What Kind of Love Is That?
They idealized it and willed it to wash away all of their problems and pain forever. But people are just now starting to figure out that while love is great, that by itself, love is not enough. That love should not be the cause of your relationships but rather their effect. That love should not define our lives but rather be a byproduct of it.
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Nobody talks about the fact that greater personal freedom grants greater opportunities to fuck things up. I doubt it.
There Is Only One Kind Of Love
I know for a fact they do. No, definitely not. Watching Netflix. Like I'm gonna melt. Like I want to kiss them. Like everything is right. Like I'm going to vomit. Every day, but I'm afraid they won't say yes. Once in a while. We're already together. Not really. Pretend they are right.
Tell them the right answer. Teach them what's right. Tell them they're wrong. One minute, tops. I can always see them in my mind. About an hour. Two weeks. Yes, I do all the time. Probably not. I would, but eventually I'd tell them it was me. No, that sounds like a terrible idea. The way I look at love. The way I look at beauty. The way I hear music. Nothing changed at all. I don't really care what they think. They'd be impressed with how beautiful this person is. They've already responded positively.
I'd never introduce them to my family.
Making babies. Getting married. Traveling together. Yes, they think I'm crazy. No, they don't care. Yes, they know all about this person. No, it's none of their business. What kind of love is stronger in the broken places? Fills up the lonely spaces Picks you up when you fall down Drives you home when your drunk downtown or when you fall of the end of the earth cause it's gone flat What kind of love is that?
Does it take all it can get? Unwind you with regret Turn a sunny day, blue and black What kind of love just criticizes, ostracizes, cuts you down to size Turns it's back when you need a friend Walks away when the end begins Leaves you when your wheels come off the track Boy, what kind of love is that? And you hold me when I need holding And you heal me when I'm broken From a dark dream I've awoken To the kindest words ever spoken And when I lose hope and I can't see Somehow you believe in me What kind of love is that?
You say my name so sweetly Steal my heart completely Dance with me even though my record's scratched What kind of love is stronger in the broken places? Fills up the lonely spaces Pick you up when you fall down Set you right when you're spinning around I spent my life trying to learn how to love you back What kind of love is that? All God's children sing What kind of love is that?
All God's children sing, Lord What kind of love is that? All God's children singing out What kind of love?