Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

What's On Your Calendar

Date: 
Monday, February 13, 2012
Posted By: 
Scott Bauer

We welcome guest blogger, Scott Bauer, today.  Scott's wife and the mother of his three sons, Lauri, passed away from a sudden heart arrhytmia on January 5, 2011.  The outpouring of love after Lauri's death was overwhelming and prompted her family and friends to start Tulips for Lauri, a local non-profit foundation to give help, healing, and hope to those families less fortunate who have suffered a sudden loss or crisis.  We thank Scott for his contribution today and encourage you to visit the Tulips for Lauri website.

Are dates on the calendar really that important?  Everyone loves celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc…  But what about people like “us?”  How in the world should we be expected to celebrate those occasions that make us yearn for our lost loved ones?  Are we “allowed” to celebrate?”  What will people think?  Should we feel guilty?

For me, each and every day I spent with my late wife was a holiday.  So in reality, every day is now a challenge.  Every single day, regardless of what the calendar says, brings grief and heartache.  But, as we have all learned (or are still in the process of learning), the calendar doesn’t stop.  The world around us doesn’t miss a beat just because our lives have been turned upside down!

After just passing the one year anniversary of my wife’s (Lauri) death, my three boys and I have now experienced each of their birthdays, Lauri’s birthday, Mothers Day, our anniversary, baseball games, graduations, school plays, etc…  all without her.  The list goes on and on.  Which day was the most difficult?  That answer is different for everyone, but I can tell you that the anticipation of how I was going to feel on a certain day was far worse than the actual day.  Slowly, I have learned to smile and think of great memories on these days rather than feel mopey, depressed, or staying in bed all day long.

So I guess it IS ok to celebrate; it IS ok to have fun.  I know Lauri would certainly want it that way.  Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel, whether it is a “special” day or not.  There are no rights or wrongs.  We certainly grieve and feel lousy enough that we have the right to celebrate!

Just remember, if May 15th is that special date and you are struggling with worry and anticipation, I guarantee you that May 16th will follow.  Time will move forward.  Live life to the fullest; make sure your glass is half-full!

Comments

Wonderful article. Cudo's to Scott as it also makes it easier for those friends and relatives of Scott and his family to react to holidays. We as outsiders sometimes don't know how to handle these special occasions. Should we recognize them or ignore them as not to further cause pain for the family. I guess Scott has helped us all to see that life and living goes on.

Beautifully written post! Great job Scott! You are such an inspiration to others and what you have written here trully says it all!! I will pass it on to others going through similar circumstances.

So true Scott. Loss of a spouse, child, loved one is extremely difficult. Celebrations always bring mixed emotions. It IS ok to celebrate and be happy. It takes time to enjoy these celebrations , but believe me it will happen. Yes, my glass is now half full!

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