Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

What Now?

Date: 
Monday, September 10, 2012
Posted By: 
Laura

I often feel like there should be a special place in the world for us.  A middle place.  You know who we are.  Those of us who have lived through those first few treacherous years of widowhood, yet haven’t reached the other side of the mountain.  We aren’t considered newly widowed, yet we don’t feel quite so removed from it.

I am struggling with this new place.  We used to be Kev-and-Laura, and now I’m just Laura-without-Kev.  See, here’s the thing.  I was a good wife.  I really liked being a wife.  In fact, it was probably the thing that I was the best at and enjoyed most.  Now, I’m not a Martha Stewart-type, so it wasn’t all fresh-cut flowers and 5 course meals around here, but I was good at marriage.  I preferred Kevin’s company to that of anyone else.  I supported Kev in all of his ventures and ideas.  Together we were incredibly happy. 

Without the role of wife, I often feel lost. 

I don’t feel as ravaged by grief any more, yet I certainly don’t feel like I fit in with those widows/widowers who have relocated, changed careers, written books, remarried, blended their families, and seem to be conquering the world.  I am just me.  Without Kev. 

I am living the life we had hoped for.  I live in the same house.  I send our kids to the school we planned on.  I take them to baseball, soccer, piano, and whatever other activity they are currently obsessed with.  We laugh.  We cry.  We are proof that life can go on despite incredible grief and sadness.  

So, what now?  Where do I go from here?  Who am I if not Kev’s wife?   I feel like my future is full of questions.  And, I’m not a super-hero, or even a super-widow.  I don’t know the answers.   But I do know that I will not give up on redefining myself.  I will have always once been Kev’s wife.  And because of that, I know I will make him proud.   

Comments

Hi - I feel the same way. I really liked being a wife. I was so content with just Carl and I. We had a great relationship and were really, I mean REALLY happy. It seems as if we are being punished for being happy. Anyways, I am new to this site but I find comfort in reading some of this.

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