Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

What Makes Me Cry

Date: 
Monday, May 25, 2015
Posted By: 
Marlene Delaney

SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE LATEST GREY’S ANATOMY EPISODES AND DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, QUIT READING!

I don’t cry much anymore. The first year after my husband died, I seemed to cry all the time – I use to joke that I wished crying was a weight loss method because I would have been very skinny. I quit wearing eye make-up because I didn’t want to have to deal with fixing it after a cry. As the years went by, I found that I might cry because of anniversaries, birthdays, or other dates, but I was definitely crying less than the first years after my husband’s death. Now it has been six years since he died. I am wearing eye make-up again and there aren’t a lot of things that easily bring me to tears – except recent episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. It sounds stupid that a television show could be a trigger for tears. And although I have the TV on in my house when I am home, I don’t watch many shows. I just like the background noise. But I do watch Grey’s Anatomy and when Dr. Derek Shepherd was killed, I cried – a lot. I even woke up the morning after that episode feeling blue. I wasn’t sad because the handsome doctor wouldn’t be on the show anymore, I was sad for his wife, Meredith. Her character is a young woman with children. And even though she is a TV character, I didn’t want her to have to go through the pain of being a widow. Especially a young widow. And on the season finale, Meredith reminded an arguing couple that her husband was dead and that the arguing couple should enjoy their time together. I know that I have had that thought whenever a friend complains about her husband. And that made me cry, too.

If I were a psychiatrist, I think I would say that my reaction to Derek’s death was because I don’t want anyone to become a young widow or widower. And I am guessing that Meredith won’t have to deal with all the stuff that a real person – like me - has had to deal with, but I still don’t wish being a young widow on her or anyone else – a real person or a TV character.

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