Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

A True Single Parent

Monday, May 19, 2014
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I consider myself a “true” single parent.  Now that my daughter is graduating from 8th grade, there have been quite a few parent meetings and parties, etc.  At events like these, especially when a lot of dads are present, I am painfully reminded that I am by myself as the parent.  I remember early on in my grieving process it was impossible to attend anything like this without having an anxiety attack and breaking into a million pieces.  Now four years later, things have gotten infinitely easier to handle emotionally.  But, it is a reminder that I’m the lone consistent parental presence in my children’s lives.   I’m always on. 

I had to face the fact that college for my daughter is only 4 years away; therefore, I needed to make financial decisions last week on my own.  Although my brother came with me to meet my financial planner, it was up to me to make the final call. 

I enrolled my son in basketball this year.  He hated it the first 9/10ths of the season.  It was so hard to make him go and I wish Brian were here to better explain why it was important that he continue with the season.  He was always really good at that.  By the last game, my son ended up loving the game and playing with his friends.  It was a benefit that I would have loved to share with his dad. 

When I hear my divorced friends say they are going away for the weekend or week because their kids are with their other parent, it reminds me that I don’t get that option.  Prior to Brain’s death, I always took one long weekend a year to visit my best friend who is single and lives in LA.  It was a short break from motherhood and Brian got to spend some quality time with the kids.  Now trips like those are rare.  They take a lot of planning.  I need to find a sitter, make sure they know the kids schedules and pay that person as well.   I feel guilty that I am not there.  I think what if something happens to me or to them.  Also, the time spent away is not quality time with their father.  It’s a whole new mindset.  Don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love spending time with my kids.  But it’s times like these that I now redefine the term “single” parent.  A place that I never thought I would be.   My husband would joke that he didn’t want to have a third child since that would mean we’d be going from man-to-man to zone defense.  And here I am, in the zone.


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