Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Time Heals All Wounds (Yeah, Right)

Date: 
Monday, May 16, 2016
Posted By: 
Scott

Time Heals All Wounds (Yeah, Right)

 

We have all been given the advice, “Time heals all wounds.”  I understand – we are just supposed to sit back and in time we will no longer have the sadness, pain, guilt, fear and anger that we are feeling.  The searing feeling of our loss will just fade away.

I have come to realize that the “wound” will NEVER go away.  It will never heal.  It does however become a bit easier to manage.  Personally, my scab has been peeled back over the last few weeks – my Anniversary on May 3rd, Mother’s Day on May 8th and Lauri’s Birthday yesterday.  I know that my wound will start to scab over again but it will never go away; it will never heal.

Hopefully as we go through the healing process, a scar will form and become tougher and stronger over time.  But is this scar ever going to go away?  What do you do with your scars?  Do you try and cover them up or do they become a “badge of honor, a sign of courage?”

Remember, there is no timeline for healing and there is no finality to grieving.  The quicker we all accept this notion I believe the quicker we will all be on the road to feeling a bit better.  Don’t hide your scar; don’t hide your grief – let others help you.  Help other grieving people!  Let them know your story and that they are not alone.

Comments

Very well said. I am a 48 year old widow. I lost my husband 8 years ad when he was 42. We had just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary when he got sick. You are so right, time does make it a bit easier but the healing and grieving doesn't ever stop or go away. I feel stuck in time, afraid to move forward. I wish I had known about this group 8 years ago. I couldn't find a group for young widows so I feel like I never had a support system of people who knew how I felt and what I was going through. I hope you continue the healing process on your terms and in your time.

I lost my Julie six months ago on Friday. Mothers Day was difficult. I sometimes sleep in my clothes from the day, because it makes it feel like time slows down, and I can control it. That may not make much sense, but sometimes it works for me. Today, I helped with a friend's boat, getting it ready for the water. After that and making dinner in the kitchen, my khakis were a mess and my shirt wasn't too much better. I went into the closet to grab some PJs and there were Julie's sleeping pants and sweatshirts. I couldn't help but put on both, just so I could feel closer to her once again. Don't worry - I won't wear her clothes in public. And sleeping clothes are pretty much uni-sex. But when this is all I have left...at least I have this. I'm doing better than I was three months ago, but at six months, I sometimes wonder if there will ever come a day that I don't break down at night. Always in private, always alone. I want my Julie back. I know she wants me to be happy again, and I'm trying. I'm just not sure I'll ever get there.

Nice, Scott!

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