Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Standing Up

Monday, September 29, 2014
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Sometimes I do things that remind me of how strong I have become and need to be since Brian’s death. In the first year, I felt like I couldn’t even lift my head and everything seemed out of my hands. The second year, I was able to sit up and face the fact that all decisions were up to me now. The third year, I could stand but still needed to lean on people and wavered in many decisions. Now, I’m in year four. I’m standing up. I feel like I’ve taken back control and am fully in charge.
Long story short…two weeks ago, the “Dean of Students” (essentially the social worker) at my son’s school was trying to influence me and his teacher to put my son on medication for ADHD. I had listened to her in the past but it was a disaster physically and emotionally for him. This year I could see how much he had matured and knew he could manage any symptoms without medication. I was infuriated when the teacher emailed me and told me what the dean had told her. I called the teacher immediately and we discussed the situation calmly and respectfully. We came up with a plan to work together and make sure he was on a path to succeed. Later in the week, the dean called me to clarify her discussion with his teacher and how this all came about. Which, not surprisingly contradicted what the teacher told me. I called her on it. Then she started back peddling. I told her that many of her conclusions in past about my son caused me to unnecessarily worry about him developing into a responsible functioning young man. In the end, I told her that I would prefer if she were not involved with my son going forward. After this call, I felt really, really confident for the first time since Brian’s death. It’s tough making unilateral decisions that affect my family but it’s necessary and empowering.
I am standing up strong on my own two feet. And, it feels darn good.

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