Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Should I or Shouldn't I

Sunday, April 10, 2016
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Should I or Shouldn’t I?
I was driving home today from Indiana University after visiting with two of my boys who go to
school there. We had a great time and I was looking forward to getting home to my younger son
who couldn’t go with because he had to take the ACT.
In the car with me was another parent who had driven along with me. About an hour into the drive
the song “Always and Forever” by the group Heatwave came on the radio. This was Lauri’s and my
wedding song and everything associated with our Foundation and even her headstone have the
words “Always and Forever” on them.
As I was singing along, (I do to every song, not just this one), I mentioned to the woman in the car
that this was our wedding song. She asked me if it made me sad and I had to actually think for a
couple of seconds. Surprisingly, my answer was a very confident “not really.” And I honestly meant
So begs the question; Should I or shouldn’t I be upset with this answer?
Is it disrespectful to Lauri if it doesn’t make me sad? I know I honor her memory every single day
but did I do something wrong? I have not stopped thinking about her but am I trying to block out
the past? Would most of you say to me, “Scott – how could you not be sad or upset?” Am I alone in
feeling this way?
At the end of the day I know I can look in the mirror, hold my head up high, cry if I need to or more
often just smile, and think about what a wonderful life we HAD. Am I angry that she cannot watch
her sons hit milestone after milestone? Of course I am. But I am also thankful for the years we had
together and for that I will always and forever be truly indebted to her.


No, she wanted you to live on after she left. We are sad enough, and I know that I spent my first 2 years crying MUCH of my waking time. But I know that my Jim wanted me to live life fully, snd the best way to honor our lost spouses I'd to live on...

Scott, you probably would have been sadder if the song came on the radio closer to Lauri's death. The fact now, it that you can listen to the song with fondness because the pain of new grief has since diminished. You reacted the way you were supposed to. Don't feel guilty. Big hug to you and your boys. Lisabeth

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