Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Scrooge or Cindy Lou?

Date: 
Monday, December 10, 2012
Posted By: 
Melissa Calmes

Melissa Calmes lost her husband to brain cancer in March 2012. She lives in on the North Side of the city with her dog, Lila. Melissa blogs regularly about her loss at http://widowedyogi.blogspot.com/.

I simply can’t believe Christmas is almost here but it is. I have spent time a lot of time planning and dreading the holidays wondering how I will handle them. Thanksgiving was actually not so bad as I spent it at the beach with extended family and enjoyed fresh seafood instead of turkey. I again tried to plan an alternative Christmas but airfare was just too expensive.

So here I am planning to stay throughout the Christmas season enduring all usual holiday chatter. I quickly wondered where I could buy a Bah-Hambug sign to hang on my door. I found myself questioning if I would be a complete Scrooge for the entire month of December. But then I took the famous Holiday El Train one Friday afternoon and quickly found myself enjoying the holiday cheer. Everyone just seems so happy on that train and the looks on the children’s faces was priceless. The next day I cringed when I received my first Christmas card with a picture of a friend’s beautiful family still intact. It’s not that I am not happy for my friend and her amazing family but I am sad for me and for Matt, that we will never send pictures of our family on holiday cards. Last night I enjoyed watching Rudolph while drinking some hot cocoa. I also decided that I won’t be putting up my Christmas decorations. It’s so much work and is enjoyed much more by a family doing it together. Although at night I have enjoyed looking at all the beautiful Christmas trees in the windows around my neighborhood. I won’t be doing any Christmas shopping this season either. I simply don’t have the energy for it and it seems so materialistic.

I have enjoyed some of the warmth of the season but some of my normal customs have just made me sad and lonely. I am learning that I don’t have to be all Scrooge or all Cindy Lou. I am a combination of both and am reminded again in this journey to take it one moment at a time or around this time of year, one holiday tradition at a time.

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