Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

A Sad July

Monday, August 4, 2014
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Just when I thought that things had gotten easier, sadness enveloped me. My husband’s birthday was last Tuesday. My whole mood changed about ten days before and I couldn’t totally figure out why. I was having a lot of anxiety. I had a low tolerance level, cried at the drop of a hat and was very tired all the time but couldn’t sleep. Similar to the way things were in the first couple of years around significant dates after Brian’s death.
My sadness was compounded with the death of my father-in-law, Bob, earlier this month. (almost 9 years to the day of his wife’s passing). We gathered together with the same people I hadn’t seen since Brian’s funeral over four years earlier. Realizing that we were all together 4.5 years prior to that for his mom’s funeral. Someone even said to me that it seems like we only see each other at funerals anymore. How sad, I thought to myself. Lots of memories were churned up. This lead me to think about the fact that Brian’s brother is the sole survivor of their immediate family, and how tough this must be for him. Bob mourned the loss of his wife but he was still active, coming to family gatherings, occasional visits and calling every so often. Then, when Brian died, he just stopped taking care of himself. He was so angry at the world thus he cut himself off from it. It made me sad that my kids never really got to know their grandfather.
So I guess with all this I should have expected this year’s birthday to be filled with more sadness but I wasn’t.
The actual day of Brian’s birthday I thought about how they are all together happily in heaven. In my mind, Bob is no longer angry at the world. And, it’s just one more person to watch over us. So I take comfort in that and it made me smile as I looked up to the sky.


So much loss in a short period of time. It is good you found some peace in the thoughts of them all being together. It shows your strength, Dora, and how far you have come on the journey.

My brother-in-law is the only one left in his family too, and I keep thinking that it would be so hard. I wonder if that's why he doesn't come around too often to see my kids (his nieces).

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