Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Our China

Date: 
Monday, February 23, 2015
Posted By: 
Becky Lichucki

Many years ago, Robert decided that he wanted to help me register for our wedding. I didn't generally have a problem with it as I thought that he would be helping with the general "house" stuff. HA! Little did I know that he wanted input in EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I mean china pattern, crystal pattern and even my silver.

My silver pattern was picked for me when I was a baby--and I had several pieces. I put my foot down that I was NOT changing it. I actually hoped that he would BUTT out of my china and crystal as well...no such luck.

We fought--I mean really fought. We actually fought more over planning our wedding than we did the entire time we were married. I swore that we were never getting divorced because I was never again going to endure planning a wedding! Most of the strife actually came in the disparity on our family sizes. His was very very small--less than 20 total and mine was HUGE over 100 with only the closest cousins on each side. At the time, he couldn't really comprehend how a family could not only be so large, but be so close that they actually spoke to each other regularly.

Here is some insight. I was brought up knowing how to set a proper table with fine china and crystal. He thought it was a very neat idea and something he had never experienced. It was a right of passage in our family to be able to learn to care for and even wash it at my Great-Grandmother's house. Mom and Nana also served meals on their fine pieces and it was a BIG deal to be promoted to the grown up table. I had my heart set on the type of patterns that I would get to pick. I didn't even consider that my future husband would even want to bother with those details. Boy was I wrong.

I wanted simple china, he wanted ornate. We settled on a middle of the road pattern that he really liked and I tolerated. What is important is that the pattern was the very first time that we compromised. I served on it often. I was careful to rotate the boxes so that no one set faded more than the rest. It was our home from work a little early and had time to set the table dishes. We used it at least once a week and often times more.

After he died, it was boxed up and moved, and moved again, and moved again and finally moved into my house. I have not used it since the week before he died. It seemed like every time I looked at the boxes I was flooded with memories that led to tears. These beautiful dishes had sat unused for far too long.

I decided a few weeks ago that I would serve Sunday dinner on my fine china. This was a huge step for me. This morning I pulled it out, and set the table. Only, I don't have enough pieces for the entire family so I ended up intermixing my other dishes, but I still used them. Mom brought over a few settings of my great-grandmother's silver for me to use to complete the table and we had a great meal. Lots of laughter and love around the table. It was the kind of day that I remember from before my life was touched by tragedy.

I am so grateful to have my family around us and to be able to cook and entertain everyone. It was a very nice day.

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