Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

The Other Club

Date: 
Monday, May 11, 2015
Posted By: 
Scott Bauer

Unfortunately we are all in this Club together. Not the club we hand selected but nonetheless the one we are stuck with. But, for those of us who are (or have been) fortunate to find a new love, new companion or just a new “special someone,” what about “Their Club?”

That’s right – THEIR CLUB. Have you ever stopped to think what it must be like for someone that has fallen in love with us, who hopefully won’t be part of Our Club for a long time? What are their feelings? How are they supposed to act to birthdays, anniversaries, milestones, etc…? Is there any right or wrong way to handle these situations?

We didn’t choose where we are - fate handed this life to us. I know I didn’t choose to be in this club! But if we are lucky enough to share a new relationship, it’s quite possible that your new partner DID choose to be in the situation he/she is in. Perhaps, unlike us, they wanted to stop their old relationship and start anew. That’s a club he/she CHOSE to be part of. Does that make it any easier for those members?

Just as we have feelings of our past and our lost life, we need to recognize and be aware of the feelings of the person in our new life; our present, and maybe our future. Is it ok to show emotion to our new love about our lost life? Is it ok for our new love to be “jealous” or even hurt at times, even while they are completely understanding and compassionate to our situation? Of course it is. These are all natural feelings and there is no right and no wrong.

The only way that these two clubs can merge and work together is to be open and honest. There is no book, website or therapist out there that can tell us the right way to handle this. Trial and error, love and compassion, truth and integrity are what will make this new life easier and help bridge the gap between these two Clubs. Remember, try to keep an open line of communication; members of our club are not the only ones with feelings, numbness and pain.

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