Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Only Parent

Monday, December 3, 2012
Posted By: 
Becky Lichucki

One of our new regular bloggers, Becky Lichucki, shares her thoughts today about being an "only parent".  You can read more about Becky on her personal blog, Choosing Grace.

Parenting is hard...ask anyone who is a parent. 24/7/365. I truly think that it is a team sport by design. You have your spouse to laugh with, cry with and tag team.

Somehow that gets skewed unfairly when you are widowed. There isn't anyone there to tell you to take a break, to laugh with, giggle with or remember with. You can't pass back and forth the "bad guy" your veggies, stop throwing your peas, use your inside voice, do your homework...etc, etc, etc.

But parenting is fun. It is my most favorite thing about my life. I love being a mom. I love reading with munchkin. He reminds me to enjoy every day by showing me his awe and wonder in the world around him. Focusing on his needs helps me to keep everything in perspective. To not dwell on the losses that we have endured.

For the most part, we do great. We work together as a family and we rock! We have our routines, we have our rules and it works.

Then there are other taking him to the doctor and him having to get blood drawn. Toss in a phlebotomist who was not used to kids and me needing to hold him down while she took 20 minutes to stick him and draw the blood (thankfully she did it in one stick!!).  But I am left as the ONLY parent having to hold down my terrified screaming little boy. SO. NOT. FAIR. I am the MOMMY. I am his ONLY PARENT--I always have to be the "bad guy" and there is no one there to tell me that it will be ok.

I put a smile on my face and wipe his tears, kiss his nose and snuggle-make sure he gets a Spiderman bandaid and swallow my own tears. Knowing that tomorrow all will be forgiven and we will have a new day to explore and enjoy.


I feel for you that you are the only parent. For all of us needing to be that only parent and enduring the medical problems by ourselves. Here is my tip--I have been a pediatric nurse. Tell you doctor that you want a prescription for Emla cream. This must be applied 1 hour prior to needle sticks. But, if you know your child will be having a shot or blood draw, it is a start. Tell the MD to give you the instructions on how to apply. Not all MD's will be happy with your newfound info. Too bad--we widows/widowers need to band together and make our lives a bit easier. I understand your point in everything else and appreciate your words. You are so right. This is SO. NOT. FAIR!! Sheri

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