Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

The Old With The New

Date: 
Monday, July 2, 2018
Posted By: 
Gerry

The Old With The New

 

Have you ever had a present moment mixed with a memory from the past?  I know I have experienced this phenomenon lately.   I am experiencing something with Tim, my fiancé, and I am flooded with a memory from the past with Dick, my late husband. 

 

These two incidents of the past and present mixing together happened fairly recently.  My first incident was when Tim and I took a trip to Italy this month.  We went on a tour and hit all the major cities.  Dick and I had honeymooned in that part of the world 30 years ago.  I had a moment when Tim and I were in Venice.  Dick and I had been in Venice 30 years ago, and we got lost that day.  We were on an excursion of a few hours from our cruise ship, and we got hopelessly lost.  We made it back to the ship with literally minutes to spare.  I had stored that memory away until this trip with Tim.  When we got to Venice, we were on a walking tour with a local guide.  We were then left to explore Venice for 2 hours before making our way back to our hotel with the group.  That memory from 30 years ago flooded back to me, and it seized me, like a wave washing over me.  Once I shared what I was feeling with Tim, I felt better.  But that flood of a memory sat with me.  I felt a bit guilty about having those feelings.  They felt powerful.

 

My second incident came at a concert at SummerFest just this week.  We went to see James Taylor, someone I have always wanted to see.  Years ago, Dick shared with me his memories of a James Taylor concert he attended in the early 1970s in college.  Dick also had a lot of James Taylor albums and when I hear a James Taylor song, I think of Dick.  When Tim suggested we go to that concert, I eagerly agreed.  It was a great show, and there were a few songs that evoked some tears and memories for me.  Again I shared what I was feeling with Tim, and I felt better and moved on.  Still, it was difficult for me to wrestle with the feelings of something new with the memories of something old. 

 

So what to do?  I know better than to try to put my memories in buckets and confine them, but I think I still do that from time to time.  Things are going to come up that spread from one experience with Dick to another experience with Tim.  Once I accept that, I can cope with it.  I guess I am working on the acceptance that the two will merge from time to time. 

 

Being able to blog about it helps me tremendously.  I also appreciate my fellow widow/widowers’ perspectives on my viewpoints.  Whenever you comment on my blog, that helps me, so keep doing it!

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