Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Nightmare After Christmas

Monday, December 30, 2013
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December 26th.  The worst day of the year for every only parent.

Christmas presents strewn throughout the house, wrapping paper remnants littering the floor, new toys requiring assembly and batteries, and, worst of all, overtired kids bickering over who mommy will play with first. 

Or is this just how my house looks the day after Christmas?

“Mommy, you said you’d help me put my new Lego kits together!”

“Mommy, you promised to play Barbies with me!”

“Mommy, its my turn!  Mommy, Ian won’t share with me!  Mommy, Claire won’t let me touch the Dream House!”             

“Mommy, this is broken!  Mommy, I can’t figure out how this works!  Mommy, put this together!”


Does it matter that my mom lives with us and could easily play with them too?  Nope. 

It’s like a box of coal, wrapped in newspaper and without a bow, left under the tree just for me.

Chris got sick and died during this time of year so just crossing the finish line and making it to December 26th in the first place is an accomplishment.  I might sound selfish saying this but after surviving a holiday season chock full of cheery music, sappy commercials and parties with happy people, I would love December 26th to include some pampering and relaxation.  But alas, I still wake up widowed and I’m still responsible for these little people who live with me.

December 26th is one of the days I feel Chris’s absence the most.  I imagine how much more I’d enjoy playing with those Barbies if he were putting those Lego kits together at the same time.  Then again, if he were here, I would probably miss out on the opportunity to work on Legos altogether.  And I’ll tell you a secret.  Much to my surprise, I actually like doing Lego kits.  It is one of the unexpected gifts I have discovered as a widowed parent—having experiences with my children that would normally be reserved for dads only.

Once the dust settles and the toys are put away, I get the chance to squeeze my two favorite presents in the world and count my blessings.  Taking a few sips of some specially prepared, grown-up, eggnog doesn’t hurt either.


This is my life defined! Thank you so much for sharing and LOVE to you all!!!!

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