Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

My Chapter 2 is Official

Date: 
Monday, November 4, 2013
Posted By: 
Deborah Guidara

“Am I getting greedy with god? And I thought about it, and then I decided, if you’re given a blessing and you refuse it, that’s just as wrong as asking for something you don’t deserve. It’s also a little dumb in my humble opinion.” – James Patterson

On October 5th, I was taken up to Milwaukee for what I thought was a birthday party for one of my boyfriends college roommates. I wasn’t thrilled, hadn’t been feeling so well, and was kind of down.  Of course it was pouring and gross out too, so that didn’t help my mood. What I didn’t know was that instead of going to a party, the whole thing was made up so HH could get me alone, away from it all, and ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. I was in shock, but what a weekend it turned out to be!

You see, marriage was something I discussed with HH early on in our relationship. I didn’t decide to begin dating just for the fun of it. I mean, yes, part of me thought, “hey, if I am going to go out for a cocktail, why not have company!” But it was more than that. I LOVED being married. I liked having a life partner, a best friend, someone I could rely on! Since Mike took that away from me without ANY warning, I think I craved that more than most young widows. So, I made it clear with men I began talking to. I was out with them (perhaps taking time away from my kids) so that I could fill a void that was taken from me so blindingly.

HH seemed to understand more than most. And when I asked him why in the world would a single 30 something year old man, never married, want to talk to a single mom of two, his answer was one that gave me so much HOPE: “I happen to know a young widower of 2 children who went on to have 2 more kids. I am one of them.” Chills ran down my spine and I decided to give him a chance. And boy, I am glad I did! Not only do we have so much in common, get along great, laugh out loud together, we have this common understanding of the one thing most do not. Death. He is sensitive and empathetic to my situation. He understands loss, as he lost his mother a few years ago, and he grew up in a household where having this blended family was a norm. He had a papa and nana that were really the parents of his dads’ first wife. Visiting a cemetery was not something to be scared about. He got it! And I got him. I feel so lucky. Part of me knows more than anything that Mike sent him to me. He had to have. I had reached the year anniversary, was ready to pick myself back up, and there was HH. Kismet!

I will never look at my chapter 2 as if I have to move on… I look at it as I want to move forward. I look back every now and then. It still hurts; the sting is still there. I see Mike in both of my children daily. But instead of letting it consume me, I look over and see how lucky I am to have this wonderful man next to me. Who wants to share his life with me AND my children, who understands and is willing to leave his ego at the door. I know I have said it many times. But if Mike taking his life was just a mistake, then perhaps having HH in our lives is his small way of telling me that I have to continue on with a new partner. How lucky I am to have found another great love! I feel utterly blessed!

“What happens when people open their hearts?"...

"They get better.”

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Comments

I couldn't agree with you more. We have to allow ourselves to open our hearts and love again. We can't change was has happened, but we do control how we move forward. I choose to have a life for me and my kids that is filled with love and laughter; not anger and sadness. Congratulations and all the best on your "Chapter 2"!!

I love this submission. You speak your truth, and you do it so beautifully. Bravo to you both! It's a great perspective on your Chapter 2. I'm calling my widowhood my 2nd Act. We all have new stages in our lives! Congratulations.

As your mom, I thank God, that he brought you HH. To your life, just seeing you smile light out You face again , fills my heart with happiness for you and the children.

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