Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Mother's Day

Monday, May 14, 2012
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Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  A special day for most.  A difficult day for many.  It can be painful for us.  Widows and widowers.  Those who have lost their mothers, and those who have lost the mother of their children.  Mothers who don’t have fathers to “take the kids for the morning,” or help them make homemade cards.  Mothers who don’t know how much they are appreciated. 

For me, I thought a great deal about how much being a mother means to me.  How, although I am often overwhelmed and impatient, motherhood is what has held me together in this new life, without Kevin.  

So, these following words are for my boys:

This Mother’s Day, and every day, I want you to know how much you mean to me – how important it is to me to be your mom.  I didn’t think I could live a life without your dad.  And the only thing that kept me going was you.  You needed me for everything.  You needed me to physically get you out of bed in the morning because you were so little - to feed you, take care of you and love you.  You gave me purpose and joy.  You saved my life. 

Thank you.  Thank you for giving me a reason to get out of bed in the morning in those early days when it was almost unbearable.  Thank you for making me laugh and smile when I felt like I couldn’t take one more minute of sadness.  Thank you for crying with me, and missing your dad every bit as much as I do.  Thank you for reminding me of him every day.   Thank you for putting up with me when I am not the mother that you deserve.  Thank you for making me feel like I am enough, even though I know that I never will be.

And even though our life is full of ups and downs, every day that I get to be your mom is a good day.  And what we don’t have will never make me forget what we do. 


Bawling. You are amazing. What a gift for Jack & Quinn to know how much they are loved & what they have done for you, in the midst of grief. Amazing.

It's true that my kids were a HUGE part of what kept me going through the grief. I didn't realize how rough mother's day would be without my husband even after 2 years. It was really emotionally tough this year. That evening my 8yo son said something that made me feel infinitely better. He said "for Father's Day, we can tie presents to balloons and let them fly off into the sky up to heaven, that way daddy will get them." I said "that's a great idea" which made him (and me) smile. And, it made me realize he is still very alive and well in their hearts.

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