Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Missing

Date: 
Monday, August 6, 2012
Posted By: 
Laura

Four weeks after Kevin died, my oldest son (who had just turned 4) and I went to a support group for children who had lost a parent.  I walked in late, frazzled, slightly dazed, overwhelmed and incredibly, devastatingly, sad.   I don’t remember much about that first group, except the words of one man.  His wife had died 9 months prior, and he said, “I thought as time went by I would feel better, but I just miss her more, because it’s been so long since I’ve seen her.”  At the time, I thought it could not possibly be worse for him than it was for me.  I was newly widowed.  In the depths of despair.  Alone.  Stripped of the life I had planned.  I assumed that those early days would be the worst, and the rest would be uphill.  After all, time is supposed to heal all wounds, right?

Not quite.

On Wednesday, it will be 3 years since Kev died.  I can’t believe it.  More than that, I can’t believe that I miss him more now than I did before.  And I can’t believe that the guy from my group was right.  Damn him.

I’ve learned that as time passes, people lose patience with you.  With your sadness.  They want to forget.  They want you to be over it.  They disappear.  Gone are the days of shoulders to cry on and helping hands.  For the rest of the world, 3 years probably seems like forever. 

I miss Kev most when I think about all the things that have happened over these past 3 years.  I often wonder what he would think about the way I am continuing my life without him.  Kev was never shy about voicing his opinion.   It used to annoy me.  Now, I would give anything to hear what he has to say.   I miss my biggest cheerleader, my confidant, the person who knew everything about me and loved me anyway. 

Don’t get me wrong.  Time does help.  It eases the pain.  The sadness no longer paralyzes me.  The grief is not overwhelming, the way it used to be.  But it is not gone, either.  People wonder when you will “move on.”   You don’t move on.  You move forward.  Missing him is something that I will carry with me always.  Much like my love for him.

Comments

I cannot believe it has been 3 years. I wish for your sake that the guy from the group was wrong, but one thing I know for sure is that Kevin would be so proud of the amazing job you are doing with Jack and Quinn. Sending you love and prayers today. XOXO

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