Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Lucky

Date: 
Monday, April 2, 2012
Posted By: 
Laura

St. Patrick’s Day always makes me think of Kevin.  It was his favorite holiday.  He’d start playing Irish music a week or so prior, and always made sure it was a festive occasion.   After we met, we never spent a St. Patrick’s Day apart.  It was always a day filled with fun and friends.    

Each year, the thing that strikes me about St. Patrick’s Day are all of the references to luck.  The “luck of the Irish” and so on and so forth.    I’m really annoyed by the inference that just because you’re of Irish heritage, as Kevin was and I am, that you’re somehow destined for good fortune.  In fact, I’ve spent much time over the last 2 ½ years thinking about how unlucky I am.  How unlucky he was. 

It is not lucky that my husband died when he was 31.  It is not lucky that I have to live without him.  It is not lucky that my kids no longer have a father.   It is not lucky that he did not get to live a long and full life.  Unlucky, unlucky, unlucky.  Sometimes, it’s all I can think about.

But, you see, there is much luck in my life.  Much fortune.  Much to be thankful for.  And, although I am often blinded by all that has gone wrong, and all that has been taken, I am still aware that there is much good in my life.   

My children are healthy and happy, my home is safe and comfortable, my family is always, always there for me, and I have friends that genuinely care about me. And at the end of the day, I am now able to think about how lucky I was to have had Kevin – even for a short while.  And how lucky my boys are to take after such a great man.   

I have a sign hanging in my house that reads:  Luck is Believing You Are Lucky.  Believe it or not, I hung this sign after Kevin died.   There are days that I want to smash that sign to pieces.  Days that I feel anything but lucky.  Days that I feel robbed, cheated and tested to my very limit.  But, in calmer and more rational moments, I realize that among all of the bad that has happened in my life, there is plenty of good.  Kevin doesn’t get to live the life that we planned, but I do.  

I used to remind Kevin every day how lucky we were. 

And now, it is something I remind myself. 

Comments

Laura, I know the luck of the Irish isn't always apparent, but I do know that I am lucky to have a friend like you! You inspire me every day! XOXO, Sarah

Laura- I agree with you 100% about being unlucky and lucky at the same time. It's the "Lucky" part that gives me comfort on those tough days. I hope it does the same for you. :)

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