Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

It's Finally Time

Date: 
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Posted By: 
Scott

How often (perhaps daily) have you asked yourself, “When is it time to clean out the closet? When is it time to give her (his) clothes away? When is it time to store some of our pictures?” Well, for me, the time has finally come.

Lauri has been gone just over five years now and I have basically just ignored this “process.” Sure, family members and close friends came and took with them a piece of jewelry, an article of clothing or a picture that meant something to them, but the only step I have taken until now was to give some of Lauri’s clothes to charity.

Her closet is still mainly full, there are pictures everywhere and some of her shoes are even still in the laundry room closet! But now I am forced to get to work and you know what? It finally feels right (I think). Well, I am getting married in August so I REALLY have a reason to do this now.

I know people have questioned how I could keep these items around for so long and I know some people thought that I was just avoiding the inevitable. I WAS! And in my mind, (and my boys minds) which are the only ones that really matter, it’s ok. Just like every other decision that we have been forced to make which we don’t want to, it’s ok to be on your own timeline or your own schedule.

As many of you know all too well, there are so called “experts” and books guiding us through the grief process and the timeline of recovery. How do these people know when it’s the “right” time to make certain decisions? There cannot be a correct timeline because everyone has different personalities, different coping skills and different emotions just to name a few.

So I say, don’t listen to anyone when it comes to making these “timeline” decisions. Listen to yourself and don’t beat yourself up. Whatever you decide is the right decision. And if your decision is not absolutely the correct one, that is ok also. We are allowed to be Monday Morning Quarterbacks.

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