Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Instructions

Date: 
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Posted By: 
Gerry

Instructions

 

Recently, I was watching someone at my workplace put together a bookcase.  It had a set of instructions and parts.  This man was using tools to put it together.  It looked very logical to take each step, with each part, using a tool, to create the finished product.  When he was done putting it together, he gathered up his tools and walked away to the next thing.

Being a widow or a widower didn’t come with instructions.  It didn’t come with parts or tools.  I realize that now.  How I wanted a set of instructions!  I wanted to follow steps like any other widows.  If I just followed someone else’s instructions, I would be all right.  I would just do as other widows did and I would be able to be a good widow.

It didn’t work that way.  Tools came to me slowly, sometimes not the first time but the second or third time.  One of the tools I acquired was learning how to let feelings flow but to also remember that feelings were not facts.  I now realize that I had parts available to me:  compassion, humor, love, belonging.  Using those parts to create a whole, loving family, I realized how important these parts were in continuing the raising of my 2 children into their high school years.  If I let these parts get rusty or dirty, they would not work for me or my kids. 

I now know that I was the one who wrote the insructions to assembling my life as a widow.  Through 8 years, I have been the most important writer of my life.  My instructions weren’t the most logical way to get where I needed to go in my life.  I took different turns and twists along the way.  My directions continue to be written, and I continue to have twists and turns.  Things are still under construction, but I’ve come a long way.

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