Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

If That Happened to Me, I'd Die

Date: 
Monday, June 17, 2013
Posted By: 
Jodi Salata
"If that happened to me I'd die."  Recently I've had some people say this to me.  They say it in the way of I don't know how you do it all because if that happened to me, I couldn't do it.  I know that it's a testament to how strong I seem.  I probably would've thought the same thing before my husband died.  My gut response is, I did die...a big part of me did.  Had you known me before John died, you might not recognize me today.  I feel almost completely opposite on the outside but way down deep in my core, I'm still the same.  I was shattered, broken open, and all that was left was my core.  So many things about me and my life just didn't matter anymore.  I no longer feel the need to be superficial or engage in things that do not resonate with me.  I don't like to gossip, judge, or worry about fitting in.
 
After John's death I dove head first, into spirituality and it is there I find comfort and strength.  I have found beliefs that not only make sense for me but they sing to my soul.  That is when I know it's right for me. It is in your beliefs that you find suffering or you find peace.
 
Life now is more simple and deeper.  I appreciate everything more.  I connect to people and nature at a soul level. I breathe deeper knowing each breathe is a gift.  I don't take life so seriously and I work to live in the present moment because thats all we have, this moment.  I experience things on a new level.  I can see clearly now because my eyes see through a lens of love.  I am free to be unapologetically me because I know now that life is too precious and too short to be anything but.   
 
There are times when I get stuck in the thought that I'm only strong because I have to be.  I sometimes feel I don't have a choice but to keep going and be strong, but that's not really true.  We have many options and we need to give ourselves credit for all we do, even if some days all it is is taking a shower, or getting our kids to school.  This journey isn't an easy one but I've become strong in the broken places.  I have amazed myself at what I've accomplished and how I've continued to rise to some challenges.  I have learned so much about myself and I'm proud of who I am.  
 
So when someone says to me, "I'd die if i lost my husband," I'll say, "I did die, but I rose again."

 

Comments

This truly says it all about me as well. Thank you for so beautifully putting it into words.

Beautiful.

Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. In sharing your vulnerability, it helps the rest of us have the courage to be vulnerable too. You are always an inspiration to me.

Thank you Jodi! What you have written is a gift to us all; it "sings to my soul"!

Add new comment