Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

The House Hunt

Monday, June 8, 2015
Posted By: 
Gerry Sousa

My boyfriend, Tim, and I are getting ready to move in together and are putting things in place to buy a house together. This is a big move for me and one that I have not taken lightly! A lot of conversations have been happening between me and Tim about what it will all look like and how we will achieve this shared goal. We have 3 children together, 2 in their mid-20s and 1 in college. What will this house look like for us and for them? I’m not sure at this point.

I do know that a shared space is one that both Tim and I want to have for ourselves. We both decided to NOT make the shared space a space that was a former shared space with our significant others. While it might have made more sense for me to move into his house, I wanted to establish a space that would be open to new memories, not a vessel that held old memories for either one of us. I believe that the new space will create new things for us, a new canvas to paint upon. At least, that’s the theory.

I haven’t looked at real estate in 20 years. The last 2 houses I lived in were with Dick with a different set of goals. We looked at housing more in terms of what it would be like for our children and for their education. This house search is very different. While good schools are always a plus, we are looking at houses that try to accommodate our own needs. It sounds selfish, but it acknowledges that we are at a time in our lives where we can look at our own needs and make room for our kids at whatever stage of life they are in as well.

Lots of memories have come up during this house hunting process. Some of the memories have been good, but some of the memories have stung my heart. I hate to have those memories come in the way of the creation of new memories with Tim. I try to acknowledge the memories of the past and smile at the prospect of the future with Tim.

I hope to meet this challenge head on, with love, acceptance, and a strong back to lift many moving boxes!


It is good to embrace the present, while not ignoring the past that brought you to this moment...good luck in your search!

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