Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Help!

Date: 
Monday, October 21, 2013
Posted By: 
Jodi Salata
It's offical, I have Superwomanitis.  It's a disease in which I am humbly finding my own cure.
 
Ever feel like you have to be superhuman?  I often wonder why I feel the need to be even stronger now without a partner than I did with one.  I continue to push myself to the max with little to no help.  I want to be clear that there are always people offering to help me, but I mostly always refuse.  So now I have a herniated disc in my back.  By the time you read this I will have finally had surgery after suffering with pain, at times severe, for 6 months.  Throughout all of it, I've asked for very little assistance or even let on about the amount of pain I was experiencing. A few weeks ago, one of my sisters was a life saver and did almost everything so my little guy could have his birthday party.  Just hours before it began, I was in tears because of the pain, wondering how to cancel a birthday party hours before it was scheduled to begin.  But thankfully family and friends pulled together and we made it happen.  I am so grateful and seeing the joy on my son's face made it all worth it.  
 
I know I put too much pressure on myself to do it all.  I also feel myself needing to prove everyone right.  People comment on how I'm strong and inspiring, yet I don't see it.  Then, I feel I need to prove it, maybe to myself.  It's almost like internally I'm saying "You think that's strong?  Watch this!" 
 
Now I'm laid up from surgery in pain with no option but to ask for help.  What a humbling experience.  I know for sure asking for help takes more strength than going at it alone.  I have also learned not to offer help to someone who I really don't want to help.  It's actually what makes me not ask for help because I'm worried the other person really doesn't want to help.  They are just offering because it's the right thing to do.   Helping each other is a gift.  It creates a deeper connection.  For those of us without partners, we need those deep connections.  It helps us know we are not alone.  And we are not alone.  You only have to reach out and there is a wealth of support.  
 
Lastly I will say to those awesome, genuine offerers of help, don't ask how you can help, do what you can to help.  So many don't know how to ask and even worse don't always know what to ask for.  And for us superhumans, somedays it's ok to just be human. 

Comments

You hit it on the nail of the head! Very well said! I hope you are resting and just taking care of you! Feel well!

While giving advice to someone who lost a relative recently I gave the same advice. Don't ask what the widow needs... she doesn't know. Just do something. I couldn't even figure out how I was breathing... living... My greatest assets were my sisters and close friends whom jumped in and did the laundry, organized the multitude of casseroles, took the kids shopping for something to wear to their fathers funeral and those who made the phone calls, moved the huge pile of rock that was delivered that day in my driveway, and those who cleaned out his work truck. Thanks to them for just taking over and making my life easier... I couldn't have asked because I couldn't think. The fog was far too thick!

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