Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Happy Birthday!

Monday, October 8, 2012
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This week is Joe’s birthday and our anniversary.  As much as it can be a sad time for our family, I have actually started to look forward to it.  It has become a tradition that we do something to remember Joe which usually involves food.  Joe had a culinary degree and was a “foodie” before the word became popular.  Our tradition has been to eat at least one of the places that he greatly enjoyed – this year, we are going to Greektown.  We always tell a story of what we remember eating with daddy at each place and then have a “toast” to him. 

I tend to try to distract myself by focusing on what we can do to honor Joe that day which usually distracts me from the sad feelings. Or at least that is what I tell myself.  I know that us widows/widowers have many ways that we commemorate our lost loved ones.  I tend to focus on the birthday since that is the day that Joe was brought into this world and eventually brought into our life.  I do not put as much attention on the “deathiversary” since that is the day that he left this world.  One or two people in Joe’s family have had specific ideas as to how to recognize his birthday and at first I felt that I was being judged by my choices, or that I was not remembering Joe “the right way”.  But then I thought – who cares what they think!  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  He was my spouse so I get to choose what my family does to commemorate him. 

I’m sure we all will have fond memories and sad thoughts as the fall and winter holiday seasons start.  I encourage you to focus on the happy memories and to take time to be sad but try not to let the sadness overwhelm you.  Do what you feel you is right for you and your family to remember your lost loved one and do not worry about what others think is the right or wrong way.  We should all do what we feel is best to help us grieve and celebrate/remember our lost loved one - even if that includes eating as much as possible, like I will this week.

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