Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Hands of Time

Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Posted By: 

Hands of Time


There are many sayings that go along with the change of a year.  Some have to do with changing seasons, others with the inevitability of change over time.  One of the things that is hard for me to hear is that everyone feels the passage of time.  For some reason, this inevitability never sat well with me--even before Robert died.   As I have gone through these last few months, I realize why. 

When people live long lives--it is expected that they died and their friends and family celebrate their lives.  I saw this when my sister's father in law passed away.  There were more people than could contain the funeral home, and people from all seasons of his life.  I got to know him even better by seeing all the things he had done in 70 years.  People said "he had a good life", he helped so many people", "he loved his family", "he got to do so much".

When younger people die-especially unexpectedly, people question the loss--at least they did for Robert.  Many bemoaned that he "was too young", "didn't get to raise his family", "was such a tragic loss", "life is so unfair to take him so young".  These sentiments are still uttered today.  As munchkin grows our friends still lament on how he doesn't know his father. 

Both of these deaths were unexpected (Tom was only sick a short time-Robert died in a car accident) but the tone of the wakes was so different.

I wonder why the passage of time and change of seasons is more okay, than a quick and abrupt change? I mean I do live in Chicago--we can and do have temperature swings of 40 to 50 degrees in a matter of hours--it isn't THAT unusual.  BUT when you talk about the inevitability of change in terms of loss--the inevitability means that someone else will go through the same or similar change that I did.  Kiss your husband and he is dead.  No chance to say goodbye, no chance to enjoy all the seasons that life has to offer.  The fact that the very nature of seasons of life means that someone else, some other family will experience what I did--well, that is the part that doesn't sit will with me.  That is the part that is unfair.   I can accept seasons of life--I just wish that everyone got to see all of them! 

Add new comment