Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Gifts

Date: 
Monday, April 22, 2013
Posted By: 
Jodi Salata
 
Can you see this journey as a gift?
 
I know the grief journey can feel like you're walking through hell. The pain can be unbearable. The sadness and loneliness seem to have chained themselves to your body. Navigating even the simplest of tasks can seem impossible. I know, I have been to hell and back more than once.
 
My sister passed away at age 31 when I was just 13. She left behind a husband and 3 young kids. Throughout her whole illness and for years after she died, I always felt it should've been me. Which led me into a very long bout of depression and suicidal thoughts. I went dark and into what I refer to as a black hole. When I finally clawed my way out of that terrible time, I knew I would not allow myself to ever go back there again.
 
John's death was one of the worst things that have ever happened to me. Instead of allowing it to throw me into despair and depression again, I choose to be grateful that I ever had him in my life. He was one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. The bounty of that relationship is still being realized. My children and his family, are just a couple of gifts I would not have if not for him. Sure I could be angry and resentful for having to raise our boys alone, and actually was, but I now see the honor and trust that has been given to me to raise these little gifts. John's death has brought me so much closer to his family and the gift of more love. Life is all about perception and you get to choose how you see it.
 
As a widow I can choose to let the pain and sadness of grief overwhelm and drown me but I am going to always seek and find the gift of the situation. I have lived in the dark, now I will always choose the light. I get sad too and I miss him too but I know he is here with me, all around me, and that I am so blessed to have had him for the time I did. Reminding myself of that, the pain begins to recede a bit and then I get to appreciate all the gifts he left for me to find and the ones he's still leading me to.
 
Today, I can also appreciate my nephews and niece who lost a parent at the same age as my kids, and the help and support they give us as we navigate our loss. Everywhere you look there is beauty and light.  You only need to remove your dark glasses to see the world in a new way. And when you start to see the gifts, you will continue to find more and more.

 

Comments

Jodi, First of all, please accept my love and condolences to you and yours. Thank you for sharing your story and your strength, which will comfort and serve so many others. Your passion, pure intentions, sincerity, intelligence, and love are palpable, and I am honored to know you. You make the world a better place! Much love and respect, Vida

Thank you Vida for saying so it means so much to me. I feel honored and blessed to know you. Love & Light. Namaste.

i agree Jodi... this awful journey is a gift in its own right but it takes time to realize this

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