Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Feeling happy and sad at the same time

Tuesday, April 14, 2015
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Gerry Sousa

I heard an expression recently: “Let’s hear your happys and your crappys.” It is a fun way of asking about your highs and your lows of your day. This made me think about the fact that my day can have a series of highs and lows, all within the span of a single day. It’s amazing the range of emotions you can feel in the course of a day.

What about in the course of grieving?

I have noticed that I can be happy and sad at the same time, sometimes the very same moment. These 2 feelings are at the opposite range of each other, yet I know I have experienced them together many times in the last 6 ½ years of my grief journey. My two college-age children have seen my more-than-occasional frustration about figuring out my life as a widow, and they have seen the tears flow. In that same moment, they can also try their best to make me laugh to forget my troubles. It usually works. I love them for that!

My son’s college graduation is coming up in a month as well as my daughter’s move away to college 3 months later. What a combination of happy and sad feelings. I’m so proud of both of them, and I could burst with that pride. Their dad isn’t here to revel in these accomplishments, and that tears my heart out. All those feelings swim and swirl together. They always have. They always will. I’ll be okay with it all, as time has shown me.

I work hard on not having any regrets in this life. I have become very good at feeling all my feelings and ultimately celebrating each and every one of them. I have learned a great many things along the way with learning to live with loss. I want to love and be loved. I have my happys and crappys. That’s life.

So, throw it all at me, the highs and the lows, the happys and the crappys. It’s a little thing I like to call life. It’s the good stuff.


Nice job Gerry & so true!

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