Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Does Reality Ever Set In?

Monday, October 28, 2013
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We all had that fairy tale dream. Get married, have healthy children, watch them grow up and make us grandparents, and then ride off into the sunset with the loves of our lives.  Nobody anticipated the unexpected.

I am now almost 3 years in since my wife passed away suddenly.  Some of you may be 3 months, others 10 years.  It really doesn’t matter.  Is it real?  Have our dreams really been taken away from us?

We have to move forward, don’t we?  Not necessarily move on, but move forward.  What does that mean?   What is the “new” reality?  We have settled in and we are living life but it still seems like sometimes we are just going through the motions.  My boys are teenagers, (one almost 21), and I am facing middle age with the wonder of “what if, what will be, what happens next?”

I am not a soothsayer and I cannot predict the future, BUT I am a positive person.  My new reality is not one of a “fairy tale dream.”  It is one of making sure my children have all the necessary tools to live life to their fullest, healthy in both body and mind.  Will this be easy?  Of course not.  But this is my new dream – to see them become happy, successful adults with fairy tale dreams of their own.

And for me?  No more fairy tales for me.  Reality has changed that.  But that’s OK.  I couldn’t have that fairy tale with anyone else.  But, I can dream about being happy and sharing this happiness.  Will it happen?  Maybe, maybe not.  I sure am going to try my hardest.

So for me, REALITY has set in.  The reality that my life and my children’s lives have changed forever.  The reality that my life is certainly different than just a few years ago.  The reality that I still, (hopefully) have many, many years ahead of me.  So I guess it’s up to me.  Understand my new reality and try and live it to the fullest.


Scott, What an eloquent and moving reflection you wrote. Thanks for sharing. I am approaching the 1-year mark since my wife passed away from breast cancer (her birthday is Halloween and she died on Nov. 5th) so your words resonated with me this week in particular. One of the quotes that my wife brought to my attention during her battle was, "Just remember - when you think all is lost, the future remains." Keep staying positive!

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