Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Dear Robert

Date: 
Monday, April 1, 2013
Posted By: 
Becky Lichucki

This weekend marked five years since Becky Lichucki's husband, Robert, was killed in a car accidentt when their son was a baby.  Robert was a music teacher and Becky is a musician.  Becky lives in the western suburbs with her 5-year-old son, Munchkin, and writes for her own blog, Choosing Grace Today.

Today marks five years since that morning. I still miss you, but more than that, I hope that you really can see us from Heaven. I hope that you can see just how far we have come. I hope that you know that even though I don't cry every day that I still love you and I still miss you.

I hope that you can see how much you have shaped me as a person. I am not the same young girl that you married, and I am not the same woman who buried you. I have tried very hard to make sure that losing you did not make me old and bitter. That losing you gave me the opportunity to acknowledge your love for me and for Munchkin.

I look around myself and I still see pieces of you everywhere. Today, they make me smile more than cry and I am glad that I did hold on to some of your things. I have your piano and your trumpet. In the back of my closet, I have one of your bears sweatshirts...it is tattered, but it reminds me of you. I still have "Conductor Bear" and your bottle of cologne.  I can pick it out anywhere! The other day I came across one of your written compositions of piano music. It reminded me of all of the time that we had spent together in the studio.

Well, I finally have a music room again, and Munchkin and I spend time together making music.

Honestly, I didn't think that I would have come this far. I hope that you can see all of my new friends and that you see the friends of ours who stood by my side and helped me. Because, really at the beginning, there were days where it was almost insurmountable to put my feet on the floor and get out of bad, missing you hurt me that badly. I think for many of our friends, it was too much for them to see me so broken.

But many friends stood by me. I had friends and family that were there. They helped me see the light and to remember you when it was too hard to even bear. Some kicked my butt when I needed it, some dried my tears and others just listened when I needed to talk about you. For a long time, I felt that I was losing you over and over again daily. Our friends helped me to see that was not the case. I hope that you can see them too!

My sister and my brothers, they miss you too. More than they talk about. I know that they do. Munchkin peppers them and me with questions about you. It is sweet to see how they answer him. Mom and Dad miss you too. They worry about me and about Munchkin but I think that they finally believe that we will be ok.

Oh, and our baby boy, he isn't so much a baby anymore. He is a vibrant happy boy. We play baseball, ride bikes and play catch. I think of you, and I hope you can see us being happy. Really, more than anything, I hope you see us happy. I hope you know that happiness is possible again only because I know that you loved me so completely. I know that you would want me to be happy. I know that it broke your heart anytime I would cry, so to honor your memory I look for and seek out the happiness.

I try and teach that to Munchkin as well. I hope you can see what a good heart he has and how hard he works at everything that he does. He does many things that you used to do. He uses many of your hand gestures and definitely has your daredevil sense of adventure! (He does however have my sarcasm and quick wit!)

What I really hope that you know is that you are a part of me and you always will be. I was changed because of losing you, but my biggest blessings and changes have come from knowing you and being your wife.

Love Always,
Your Irish Princess

    

 

Comments

Becky, your words are so beautiful and heartfelt. I am crying as I read this because I understand the depth of your pain. I know that when you look into your son's eyes, you see your husband. It can be so joyous to look at our children as gifts from God, but at the same time so painful because they never got a chance to know the parent taken from them so soon. I appreciate the sentiments you lovingly shared with us, the readers, and celebrate how far you have come and how much you have grown. Keep the faith, share the joy and remember your beloved. Laura

Thank you for sharing this very private letter. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who writes real letters to a husband that has passed away. Mine has been gone almost 17 months now and I still write about many of the same things you did. How I'm doing, what I'm doing, how the kids are, etc. It helps me to feel connected, even though I have accepted that he is never coming back. You expressed yourself so naturally, so honestly. Thank you for a beautiful letter and best of luck as you continue to teach Munchkin all about his Dad. That's the way it should be.

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