Touched by loss. Empowered through community.


Monday, January 7, 2013
Posted By: 
Scott Bauer

As my family and I cope with the 2nd “anniversary” of Lauri’s sudden passing, I have learned that searching for answers is pointless.  Asking questions like “Why her, why me, why us, why now,” are just wasting precious time that can be better spent on those closest to us.  Who has the answer, or at least the answer that we want to hear?  Nobody!!!! So instead, I am focusing on my father’s advice and trying to guide my children the same way.  I can hear his voice now, “Scott – give 110% effort on the things that you CAN control. “

With that being said, what can I really control?  My main priority is my three amazing boys.  But can I really control how they feel every day, how much they miss their mother, how their grades are, what profession they may find themselves in, who they will marry?  Can I control if they will be upstanding citizens who are charitable, giving and philanthropic? 

As parents, we can only hope that the foundation we lay for our children is one that is everlasting, meaningful, honest, forthright and loving.  We can hopefully guide them by our own actions and try to instill in our kids the ethics and values that we were raised with and live by.  But can I really control that they will want to adhere to the same morals that I live my life by? 

Unfortunately not, but I know that I have done and am doing the best that I can.  I can look in the mirror every single day that I wake up and like what I see.  I know that I CAN control the way I conduct myself and the way that I continue to live my life.  I can control giving 110% effort in everything I do, each and every day, (except that occasional workout). For that, I say, “Thank you Dad.” 

Something else that I can control is knowing with 100% certainty that the love, compassion, truthfulness and integrity that Lauri brought to this world IS instilled in our boys.  Her zest for life and the love she shared with her family and friends were part of that rock solid foundation that she helped build.

So make the most of what you CAN control.  Try not to get caught up in the mundane and the decisions that are out of your grasp.  Hold on to the thoughts and memories that guide you.  I know that I will, ALWAYS and FOREVER.


Scott, what a great article and truly something I try to focus on every day and not dwell on what I can't control. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks! I really needed that! I just came up to the 1st anniversary of my husbands sudden death! I am struggling with the whys! Your post is very helpful as a reminder!

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