Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Consider Yourself Lucky

Monday, March 11, 2013
Posted By: 
Dora Bussey

Today, we welcome guest blogger, Dora Bussey, who lost her husband three years ago.  Dora lives on the north side of Chicago with her son and daughter.  We appreciate her sharing with us!

Three years ago on March 8th I lost my 38-year-old husband suddenly in the middle of the night due to an undiagnosed heart condition –HCM- probably aggravated by his intense marathon training.  The death-aversary brought about memories of the days that followed – which were mostly a blur.  One incident sticks with me to this day; I received an email from a woman who worked for Brian.  She said that I should not be sad and should consider myself lucky because most people don’t ever meet and marry a person like Brian.  She said he always talked about the kids and me and it was so clear how much he loved us.  She could tell how much he respected and cared for me.  Our happiness was his priority.  From her point of view, he was successful in every aspect of his life – career, family and personal.

You can imagine the moment I read this in the aftermath of my tsunami; it made me more sad and angry.  How dare someone tell me that I should feel lucky!  I felt like a cannon ball had just blown through my heart and left a huge hole in my chest.  I witnessed the love of my life die next to me in bed.  My kids were awakened by my loud pleas for him to wake up and then witnessed their father trying to be revived by my neighbor.  I felt sad, scared, guilty, alone, confused, shocked, hopeless and on and on.  Feeling “lucky” was not really in my vocabulary at that time. 

Prior to his death I was grateful for the life we lived together.  And now, as time has passed and I continue to move through grief, I do feel blessed and lucky that Brian was with me for 17 years of this journey called life.  We have two fabulous kids and we made millions of happy memories together to sustain for a lifetime.  Many things have occurred after his death that most would consider “lucky” and I really feel that Brian has been a part of making those things happen.  He is an integral part of my decision making even to this day.  I’ve even been fortunate to have met someone who cares for my kids and me in a similar way that Brian did.  Even though I miss my husband dearly and still have down days, the void in my chest is being filled everyday.

Today, I guess I can say I do consider myself lucky.  Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day!

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