Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Ch-Ch-Changes. David Bowie and Me

Date: 
Monday, November 10, 2014
Posted By: 
Gerry

I love that David Bowie song, Changes. There is one portion of this song that I can relate to during this month, the 6th anniversary of my late husband’s death.

Time may change me
But I can't trace time

Where has the time gone? I’ve accomplished so much, but some days, it seems that the changes in my life has definitely made me realize how many changes I’ve gone through. Highs and lows have been a part of all of our journeys, and I know I’ve benefitted from both the highs and the lows.

I had my life mapped out all those years ago, before becoming a widow. I got married, had children, bought a house, and I would settle down and live my life. I had a great script all written in my mind about how my life would flow. Well, that script changed with life’s events. In the last 6 years, change came into place, on so many levels. Some changes were abrupt, like Dick’s death and him not being there anymore. Some changes have happened more subtly, like my evolving relationship with my in-laws. Some changes I initially fought, like the gradual realization that I would have to sell my house in order to live within my means. Other changes, once fought, had to be accepted and implemented (see reference to house sale!). All of these changes came within a time span that I now try to trace, like a historian, analyzing the passage of time.

I can tell you that some changes in my widowed life have been welcome and, ultimately, sorely needed. Once my house sale went through, it was liberating. I now have a living space that I can manage and that I can build new memories in. My relationship with my boyfriend of 2 ½ years, Tim, has been a change that I was nervous to embark on initially. I now have realized that this change is absolutely the best change I could have asked for to help me realize my ability to love again. Watching the growth of my children, 23 and 20, from high school to college in the last 6 year has been incredible, and the changes in their lives have been hard-fought life lessons in so many ways. Their growth has been a wonder to behold, and I can learn from them how to embrace the change all around me every day.

I will continue to change, guaranteed. There are lots of life decisions to make with the people I love. I will question, struggle, cajole, plead, laugh, and cry through the changes. It will greet me at every corner, come in every door. I know it’s coming, and I hope I’ll be ready for it. Just think of David Bowie…ch,ch,changes!

Comments

Very reflective, Gerry. A good idea for us all to do...no matter where we are at in this journey.

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