Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Argh!!!

Date: 
Monday, May 20, 2013
Posted By: 
Susan

When writing these blogs, I feel like I try to be encouraging especially since I am a few years out from the loss of my husband.  I hope that my previous comments of how I am “coping” or handling this grieving process helps other to know that what you are feeling is normal.  But sometimes it is hard to stay positive and upbeat.  Sometimes I just wanna get mad!  It always seems like some off-hand comment from a friend or acquaintance makes me the maddest.  I usually don’t’ say anything at that moment but I tend to think of a good retort later. 

Some of my favorite comments have been:  a school mom who doesn’t work but can’t volunteer for the PTO since the meetings interfere with her yoga class (as I signed up for a third year on the PTO board), the friend who posts on Facebook how hectic her weekend was and how exhausted she is from taking care of 1 child while her husband was out of town (as I collapse in bed at 9:00 on Sunday night after another weekend alone with 3 active kids), the acquaintance that says she knows how I must feel since her husband travels 3 days a week (doesn’t that mean he is home with you the 4 days – must be nice).

Not to change subjects, but I am a huge music fan.  My radio is always on – work, car, home.  I know that I look ridiculous driving in my mini-van in the suburbs with Katy Perry blaring out the windows or banging the dashboard to Nirvana or raising my hands up to Black Keys.  It seems like songs speak to me - especially lately.  I recently heard a song again called These Days by The Foo Fighters.  I realized that some of words in this song would be a good comeback to some of the people who have told me ridiculous stories.  Here is an excerpt:

 

One of these days, the ground will drop out from beneath your feet

One of these days, your heart will stop and play its final beat

One of these days, the clocks will stop and time won't mean a thing

One of these days, their bombs will drop and silence everything

 

But [you say] it's alright, yeah it's alright, said it's alright

 

Easy for you to say

Your heart has never been broken

Your pride has never been stolen

Not yet, not yet,

One of these days

I bet your heart 'll be broken

I bet your pride 'll be stolen

I'll bet, I'll bet, I'll bet, I'll bet

One of these days, one of these days

 

One of these days, your eyes will close and pain will disappear

One of these days, you will forget to hope and learn to fear

 

But it's alright, yeah it's alright, said it's alright

Easy for you to say

 

OK, enough bitterness.  I know that I am too nice of a person to ever say anything nasty (unless I was really provoked).  I would never wish this sadness that I have experienced on anyone else (unlike the lyrics in this song).   But sometimes I wish I could shout back at the people who make these ridiculous comments.  But for now, I just grin and bear it and yell at them in my car along with my radio.

Comments

Susan- I get it. Every word. And if it makes you feel better, you are not the only one who feels this way. Been on the receiving end of equally clueless comments, and biting the tongue never seems to resolve fully. I too, drive the "mom-mobile" with my angry music blaring at full volume. When someone said something to me about "we can hear you coming from down the block" on the playground after school one day, I said "good thing it was loud enough to cover up my foul mouthed swearing at God over taking my husband from me when he was 39." Boy she shut up fast. Foo Fighters, and many others, have the ability to say in lyrics the things we censor ourselves from expressing. ROCK ON Susan. Rock on!

Wow...you really struck a cord with me. I too findmyself biting my tongue to comments made by others. I had a divorced dad tell me he "gets my situation...really I do". Clearly not. He is able To attend all of his daughter's events and spend time with them...my children will never have their father again...ever!! My kids lives have been completely flipped upside down...he couldn't possibly understand. Music helps to get me through my days...so turn it up!!!! Thanks for your post...it helps to know I am not alone in feeling this way too!!

Keep rocking ladies!

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