Touched by loss. Empowered through community.


Monday, December 2, 2013
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Next month will be my three year “anniversary.”  Lauri passed away suddenly just before midnight on January 5, 2011.  We all had those magical dates where we said our vows and promised each other that we would be together for the rest of our lives.  We celebrated them with “I love you’s,” and flowers and presents.  Maybe a quiet dinner or even visiting the place of our first dates.  Boy, those were the days.

Now what?   Which date is actually your anniversary?  The day you were married or the day you lost your loved one?  I imagine there are still plenty of “I love you’s,” maybe even flowers by the gravesite or memorial but no presents.  What do you do?  What do your children do?  Instead of friends and relatives wishing you “Happy Anniversary,” do you want them telling you how sorry they are and how much they are thinking of you?

I’m not so sure what I want.  On one hand I just want the day to pass and to move on.  On the other, I want EVERYONE to remember not me, but the wonderful wife, mother, daughter and friend that Lauri was.  No matter how painful, SHE deserves that tribute.  She’s the one that needs to be remembered.  In addition to bringing tears to people’s eyes, she should also bring smile after smile to their faces. 

What people don’t realize is that every day seems like an anniversary.  Both the good one AND the difficult one.  Every day feels the same no matter the date on the calendar.  I bet you don’t wish any differently whether it’s on the date of your anniversary or any other day of the year that your beloved was back sitting right next to you.  I know I wish every day from the time I wake up until I fall asleep that Lauri was beside me. 

So as I have asked before, does the date on the calendar really make a difference?  To me it does, only because each day without Lauri is another day lost being with my soulmate.  How about you?

I wish all of you a happy and healthy holiday season and a joyous and prosperous New Year.


Scott, when I read anniversary the same questions came to my mind: wedding or death? I too am not sure I know how I want others to behave. Last week was our wedding anniversary my name day and Thanksgiving. We had very distinct ways of celebrating and honoring those days as a couple so Thanksgiving time had always been particularly difficult. Well he's been gone five years and for the first time I really planned out my days. First, I hosted a small dinner party with the best man and his wife. Then I had my son join me to the vesper services that Basil and I would attend. This was the first time in five years I did ether of those things and I even did my Holiday cards. I have come a long way and it feels good Yes, I will pat myself on the back and you all should too.

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